Caught Off Guard and Unaware

My heart aches today for a couple that we know who just announced to us that they recently divorced. I'm stunned and also quite frustrated that I didn't see it coming and was not able to help change their direction. Although I'm not responsible for this couple's decision or the health of their former marriage, I feel that this is one of the very situations for which my wife Tracy and I have been equipped.

The truth is though; this is a painful reminder of an all too common occurrence of something that is happening all around us. Many marriages are currently in a state of distress. Blame it on the financial crisis or whatever you want; relationships are fragile because people are fragile. And unfortunately there is no amount of equipping or empathy that can make a difference in these relationships if someone doesn't reach out and ask for help. For whatever reason, this couple chose not to ask us for help. Maybe we aren't trusted friends or are unsafe in some way. I'm not saying that our influence would have made a difference in the outcome, but "all things are possible with God." Maybe they just didn't want help at all and so remained silent. Or maybe they had witnessed too much judgment in our world and didn't want to risk being the subject of ridicule from unsympathetic people. I hope to know why some day...

Today, I grieve for the loss of this couple's hope, for the loss of this covenant relationship and for the condition of marriage in our world. I also plead with all who read this; if you are struggling in life or in a relationship and are losing hope, please don't struggle alone. Reach out with whatever hope that remains and believe that there are still people who genuinely love unconditionally, people who won't judge you because they know that we all fall short of the standard set by the only one who is without sin. There IS ALWAYS someone with compassion for you.

Every Marriage Needs a Little Salsa

Sunset, mango salsa, live Latin music, my wife Tracy. These are the ingredients for a perfect date for me. Yes, I’m a man; and yes most of the time a woman would be more inclined to describe a perfect date with these ingredients. Except for the wife bit… But the truth is, and every married man that takes his wife dancing knows what I’m about to say, husbands that dance get more…, well you fill in the blank. Honestly, this one activity incorporated into date night exponentially helps my wife feel more loved. And that leads to a number of fringe benefits.

My wife and I have taught ballroom dancing as a vocation, and currently as an avocation, for many years. We became professionals with the Arthur Murray Studios in our 20s and have never lost the love that we have for teaching dance. And after all these years we continue to see that couples who dance together generally have better relationships and deeper intimacy. Not only that, but just about every couple we’ve taught proclaims that learning to dance together parallels learning to have a better relationship. And it’s true, the couples that look the best on the dance floor have learned to be better partners. They understand their individual roles and know how to enhance their partnership. “They move as one” is often how you hear their dancing described. “Moving as one” is a great way for a marriage or significant relationship to be described. And just like learning to dance, it isn’t easy. It takes understanding and intentionality to become a better partner. It also takes practice. Practice doesn’t make perfect but it does make permanent.

If you’re looking for a way to light the fire in your relationship or simply turn up the heat; I recommend that you add the right ingredients. Swing, Salsa, Tango, Rumba and Waltz mix very well together! But don’t forget to add the other romantic touches as well. Your commitment will be well rewarded. We’ll see you on the dance floor, and at the marriage retreat!